The Holidays During Your Texas Divorce?

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Divorce Lawyer in Houston: As the old adage goes: you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. This is true to a great extent, however, any person who's going through a divorce can tell you that your spouse can pick to be no longer be your family member simply by submitting a piece of paper to a court. With a few clicks on a keyboard, your life partner can essentially choose a life without you and in so doing can throw your relationship with your children and your extended family into turmoil.

Focus on your Children

Patience during the holidays is important. The ability to take a step back from the situation you're going through with your spouse in order to enjoy the time available with your child(ren).

The reality is straightforward: your kids are not going to remember every present you bought them, or where they sat at the Nutcracker with you. What they will remember is how their mom or dad laughed non stop when "A Christmas Story" cycled through for its fifth showing of the day on a cable TV channel. They'll remember the experience of baking (burning?) some Christmas cookies for Santa Claus.

Unfortunately, kids will also remember if you say some not so nice things about their grandparents. Managing your emotions and how you talk to your kids about what's happening with you and your spouse will set the tone for how your kids ultimately deal with the breakup of their parents.

It's unfair and unrealistic for your kids to understand and put into context the legal case between their parents. They don't know why their parents aren't living together anymore and they can't comprehend the emotional context of why the holidays may be especially difficult for both of you.

While it's not necessary to have a sit down with them, it is necessary for you to provide the stability and consistency that has been lacking since the divorce process began. Nobody is perfect, but divorcing parents can do their best to create a sense of normalcy in a storm of change.

People going through a divorce can often times get caught up in the legal details of their situation and lose sight of what really matters- their kids. The attorneys at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC would generally advise any person going through a divorce to become less an expert on discovery protocol, and more an expert on discovering how to manage your relationship with your children during this difficult time. The emotional aspects to a divorce are not lost on our attorneys and we are eager to assist you and your family navigate your legal matter successfully.

Who gets the kids for Christmas while my divorce is pending?

Divorce Attorney Houston: For the majority of holiday celebrants that are reading this blog post, Christmas Day is the most important day of the holiday season. It is a time for celebration, family and togetherness.

For those parents going through a divorce, however, all three of the aforementioned attributes of Christmas can be thrown into turmoil due to a divorce. The big question for many divorcing parents is who will get to see the kids on December 25th?

The answer, in true lawyer form, is it depends. If you and your spouse have agreed (or been ordered by a court) to follow what's known as a standard possession order during the divorce, then one parent will get to see the kids on Christmas.

Christmas under a Standard Possession Order

Spouse #1 will get the kids from 6:00 p.m. on the day school lets out for the holidays until noon on December 28th. Spouse #2 will get the kids for the remainder of the holiday break until 6:00 p.m. on the Sunday before school is back in session. If you're the parent who had the kids on Thanksgiving, then you will typically not be able to get the kids on Christmas Day.

Christmas When Parents Agree

Houston Divorce Lawyers: Another answer to which parent gets to see the kids on Christmas is a little more flexible. If you and your spouse are able to work on a visitation schedule on your own, then it's possible that a better solution can be reached.

People tend to believe that once a judge signs a piece of paper that the sentences in that document have meaning beyond just words on a page. A court's order acts merely as a default setting for parties who cannot agree to something different.

However, if spouses can agree to a different arrangement that better suits them, the court is not going to bat an eye. This is the ideal scenario. There are fewer hurt feelings, and both parents feel like they're having a say in the matter. What's most important is that the kids are able to share experiences on the most important days of the holiday season with each parent.

What not to do during the holidays while your divorce is pending

Family Law Attorney Houston: Any person going through a divorce can tell you that while their case is pending they are not fully able to play by their own rules. The court in which their case is being heard has a set of rules that were either agreed to by the parties or were handed down by the judge that the litigants are expected to follow.

Like it or lump it, the behavior of each spouse is being viewed in the context of these rules. A common question clients of the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC ask our attorneys deal with what not to do during a divorce. For the purposes of this blog post, your humble author has selected three important behaviors to avoid. Those include:

> Do not violate the visitation language of your order
> Resist temptation to voice complaints about your spouse to the kids
> don't build up resentment towards your spouse

Do not violate the visitation language of your order

Whether you and your spouse have agreed to abide by a standard possession order regarding Christmas Break or have crafted a more personalized schedule, it is vital to follow the rules as they have been laid out.

Trust goes a long way and if you violate the trust of your spouse by not dropping the kids off where you agreed to or failing to communicate a change in plans, you may find yourself in court after Christmas explaining to a judge why you weren't following the rules. It's normal to want to see your kids as much a possible during Christmas time. That desire is no excuse to violate court orders.

Resist temptation to voice complaints about your spouse to the kids

Houston Divorce Attorney: This rule can be extended to not asking the kids if your soon to be ex is seeing another person or any other personal inquiry like that. If you haven't already figured it out the kids are much less concerned than you are about petty differences that you and the other parent are experiencing. They want to enjoy the holidays with you (and the other parent for that matter).

Getting back to point number one- there are most likely rules in place from the court that bar you from using derogatory language in front of the kids about the other party to the divorce. In many instances this extends to your family as well. Remove your ego from the equation and have a sip of apple cider with your kids instead.

Don't build up resentment towards your spouse

Finally, don't use the holidays as another opportunity to build up resentment towards your spouse. A useful (corny) saying I use with my own clients is to use the divorce you're going through to get better- not bitter. If this hasn't already been shared with you, I'm happy to do so now: your case will most likely not end up with you on the witness stand telling a judge about the shortcomings of your spouse. Most likely it will end in mediation.

A scenario where you won't even see your spouse as your case essentially comes to an end. With this all being said- the holidays can create an atmosphere of stress and anger if you allow it to. Constantly reminding yourself that you can't see your kids because of your spouse or taking inventory of each eye roll your spouse gives you when you drop of the kids at the other parents is not going to do your kids or you any good. Use the holidays as a springboard for personal betterment.

Can I spend money on Christmas presents?

Houston Family Lawyer: As anyone who's gone through a divorce can attest to, your life during the divorce process is not what you've become accustomed to as an adult. You are temporarily ordered in most circumstances to restrain behaviors associated with your kids, your financial endeavors and notably your money. Those factors all come to a head during the Christmas season ... Continue Reading